Sex is one of the most basic of human instincts. It is a primal need. It is the raw drive that can bring humans together. Sex can bond people, bring enjoyment, keep us healthy, and create life. Sex is both simple and complex, and can make or break relationships. With such a powerful tool in our hands, how can we insure that the very thing that was meant to bring pleasure actually brings pleasure?
We are told so many contradictory messages about sex, it’s a wonder we can even think straight. Everybody has their likes and dislikes, religious and nonreligious views, and their own ups and downs. On top of that, many people judge other’s sex habits, as if there is only one way to sexually conduct oneself.
Clearing the fog
Sex is personal. Only you can have sex as yourself, and only you have to deal with any unhealthy or limiting views on it. It is up to you to clear out the fog of others views, unadapt yourself to beliefs you absorbed from the world, and decide how fulfilling your sex life will be.
This is not an easy feet. It may require you to leap over tall stigmas in a single bound, but it is possible. Since you will only ever be having sex as yourself, and have to live with your own sexual feelings, you mighttus well be as happy with your sex life as you can be. You can start with these steps.
1. Accept yourself
Self acceptence is the first step in being happy with who you are. Accept your good points and your challenging points. Stand in the mirror and look at your body nude. Are you happy with what you see? Your chest, your arms, the size of your penis, the amount of hair you have or lack thereof. Do you like what you see? When people have major issues with their appearance, it can inhibit sexual comfortability.
I had to do this. I have always been a skinny dude. People always made negative comments about my skinniness. For years and years I always felt uncomfortable about my body. After a while, I decided to stop feeling uncomfortable about myself through other people’s eyes and take a fresh look. I looked at all the good things about my body, and started to like the features.
My smooth skin, the symmetry. I make sure I use Dial for Men Body Wash to maintain that smooth skin. Only then did I start on the road to full physical acceptance.
Many men have body image issues. We are sent messages about how we are supposed to look. Big mussels and all that. That’s not what makes a man!
2. Get comfortable with what turns you on
We all get turned on by something. When we are younger, we may not have always known exactly what turns us on, but there are a host of things that could make us stand tall. The key is to find out what turns you on, and like it.
With all the stigmas in the world about everything from masturbation, to what position, to what noise we make, to what gender we like, to where we have sex, there is never a loss of others judgements. Others judgements do not matter. It is about what we like and how it makes us feel.
If we are not comfortable with what we like, we may be unable to relax during sex, suppress our own needs, judge others for what we ourselves like, and invite guilt. The only thing we need to do is make sure that everything we do is consensual.
3. Deal with trauma
According to the National Center for Victims of Crime< 20% of females and up to 10% of males can recall child sexual trauma. As we know, child sexual trauma is under reported, so the numbers may be higher. When you have such trauma in your passed, it could be very hard for you to relate to yourself and others in a sexually healthy way. If the trauma is not dealt with, it can impact your sex life for decades to come. There is no shame in seeking therapy to help deal with this trauma. You must take care of your sexual self in the same way as you take care of other health issues. It may be a very difficult process, but if you want to be as sexually happy as possible, these traumas need to be addressed.
4. Communicate
If you want to be sure you have a happy healthy sex life, you must be able to communicate. You should be comfortable with communicating your needs and wants. If you do not communicate, then the other person will not be clear on what you want. There is no one size fits all. Every man is not the same. Every woman is not the same. Communication can be hard for some as we are taught not to talk openly about sex.
As shocking as this was to me, I did have an issue with communicating my sexual needs at times. I noticed it the most when it came to writing articles about it. Unnoticed by me, some of the sex stigma had leaked into my psyche. To counter that, I started to write stories. I wrote about my own sex drive, body, penis, partners, and other things to break down this outdated stigma. Underneath this block was a fear of judgement. Root out all communication issues!
5. Know your partner
Knowing your partner is key to having a happy sex life. Your partner should feel comfortable with sex communication just like you. Get to know what turns your partner on. What gives them that smashing orgasm? When you focus on giving your partner pleasure, and they focus on giving you pleasure, you both win!
6. Have fun
When you are having sex, it is a time for bonding, intimacy and fun. Leave all your life’s issues outside, take off your clothes, and have fun. Make sure that the environment is comfortable. Make sure you want to be with that person. If you are not attracted to that person, then why bother! If you are doing something that you will feel guilty about, solve the guilt or don’t do it!
When you feel sexually fulfilled, you will also feel more confident as a man
Sex is a powerful and healthy way of expression. Try and make every sexual encounter the best you can. If not, why bother! Are you comfortable with who you are sexually? Do you have guilt feelings about any area of your sexual self? Lets talk about ways you can overcome that!
#Sex is a powerful and #healthy way of expression. Try and make every #sexual encounter the best you can. If not, why bother! Share on XUnshame Your Masculinity
You can find this article and more when you get the book Unshame Your Masculinity Confidence tips, communication methods and other things that will help increase your level of manhood. Meet better partners, have better sex, and become a more satisfied man!