An important part of life skills is the development of assertiveness. Without it, you could feel disrespected or disregarded in relationships and career paths. Assertiveness is all about feeling confident in your ideas, thoughts and beliefs that you can ask or demand what you want in a calm and effective manner.
Assertiveness is also about refusing to accept what you don’t want. For example, if someone cuts in front of you at the supermarket, do you call them on it or just keep quiet? If you don’t speak up, you probably leave the store feeling angry and frustrated.
If you’re an aggressive personality, you may react to the same situation by becoming over-angry and shouting at the person who cut in line. “Hey, you oatmeal looking fuck face! You cut me!” That type of behavior is unacceptable and can cause serious conflict. Watch out for that flying chair!
You may have problems being assertive with those in authority – for example, parents, bosses or others who you feel are “above” you. You may not have the confidence to speak up around these people for fear that you’ll lose your job or be looked at as confrontational. You may have been told/taught that you should not speak up to people that have some socially constructed authority status.
The practice of being assertive
Think about people whom you really admire? Chances are they display the honorable quality of being assertive when needed. There’s a fine line between aggressiveness and assertiveness, but the consequences may be far-reaching.
Common sense can lead you away from being too aggressive so that feelings are hurt and relationships are lost. As you practice assertiveness in your daily life, you’ll become more adept at knowing when and where the line is crossed and being able to avoid it. It will become natural.
Learn all you can about assertiveness and apply the lessons where needed in your life. The self-esteem that comes from standing up for yourself and demanding that your rights be respected can transform your life and lead you to success.
Learning to be assertive can reengage you with your masculine power, and boost your attraction energy. You will teach others how to treat you by standing your ground and upholding your boundries. You will develop more self-love, esteem and all the other self positive words. You can take a quick test to see how assertive you are.
The Difference Between Assertive and Aggressive Behavior
Many struggle with exhibiting assertive behavior because they confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness. It may be especially difficult if you’ve maintained a passive personality most of your life. Now, you feel that you may hurt feelings and make enemies if you practice assertiveness.
If you’ve been an aggressive personality most of your life, it may be very difficult to contain your anger and harshness when dealing with others. You want your way and may not think it can happen by stepping down a rung or two on the ladder to assertive behavior.
You may have learned that a man is suppose to be agressive, or you are not a real man if you are not forceful. A whole host of silly and nonproductive mindsets are taught to boys and men each day.
The truth is that there is a line between both passive and assertive and aggressive and assertive behaviors. You may want to second-guess yourself about crossing the line – but, if you know the traits of an assertive personality versus passive and aggressive, you should be able to stand up for yourself without backing down or becoming angry and frustrated.
Quick guide about using assertive rather than passive or aggressive behavior
- Assertive – Clearly states an opinion, but is respectful of others beliefs.
Aggressive – Becomes angry and attacks the other person’s opinions.
Passive – Stay in the corner and don’t express opinions at all. - Assertive – Makes eye contact with others.
Aggressive – Glaring stares at the person.
Passive – Avoids making eye contact. - Assertive – Body language is relaxed and open.
Aggressive – Body language is rigid and may enter another’s space.
Passive – Body language is withdrawn and slumped. - Assertive – Considers him or herself as valuable as others.
Aggressive – He or she knows it all.
Passive – No self-value or self-esteem. - Assertive – Sets goals and reaches them.
Aggressive – May reach goals no matter what he says or does.
Passive – Doesn’t know how to set goals – or reach them.
As you can see by the above patterns, there’s a huge difference between each of the main personality traits. Assertive traits are admired by all, but they may not be easily accepted – at least, not at first. As you continue on the road to assertive behavior patterns, you’ll find it easier to transform from passive or aggressive to assertive. Just remember to think before you act.
Once you step into more confident assertiveness, others may change towards you. Especially if you are coming into assertiveness from the passive end, some may not know how to take it. They were use to you one way, and you most likely had some nonproductive people around you. Now that you speak up and stand up, your friendship cycle may shift a little, or in some cases, a lot. You will have healthier relationships and friendships, and you will respect yourself.
If you are coming into it from the agressive side of the spectrum, you may find that things work out better in everyday life, and you will have lower stress and a smoother time with getting what you want. Your life will contain less drama.
Stepping into your assertive self
If you make it a point to try and be sensitive to people’s feelings and notice body language and facial expressions, you’ll do well in developing an assertive personality style that will bode well for you. Stepping into your assertive self while staying alert to your instincts is that 1 2 punch of core confidence.
If you know that you need to be more assertive, but something is blocking you, lets have a conversation. If you find yourself always bending to what somebody else wants but never getting that in return, lets talk. If you know in your mind what you want to do or say in different situations, but never go through with it, I can help you break through that! Take the next step to the next level.