We hear the word “confidence” being used all the time. To be a strong productive man, you need a healthy dose of it. Even though confidence is one of the key foundations for success, what is confidence, how do we get it, and how do we maintain it?
There are many definitions of “confidence”, but we will work with a simple meaning that will help us move into it. Confidence: The belief in yourself to do a particular thing. There are 3 main areas of confidence, but first, how do you even know that you are lacking confidence in the first place?
I think that it is most effective to know where something comes from, then identify it, then you will be in a better position to improve it.
Where does lack of confidence come from?
The lack of confidence can come from…
- Childhood. Verbal/psychological/physical abuse.
- Teen years. Lack of acceptance by other boys/the cool dudes/homeboys, Continuous strike outs with romantic interests, or Bullying.
- Job loss. Unable to find work, slow moving career.
- Body image. Feeling Too big/too slim, too tall/too short, ETC.
- Performance issues in the bedroom. Lack of drive, erection problems, penis size, ETC.
I have had a taste of each of these myself, and it sucks!
Signs that you lack self-confidence
If you have low self-confidence or low self-esteem, you may…
- Get Depressed easily
- Self Deprecating
- Cannot accept compliments/second guesses them.
- Blaming others/running from responsibility
- Self Sabotage
I have resembled some of these things on my road to understanding confidence.
The 3 kinds of confidence
Now that we talked about at lease some of the causes and warning signs, lets break down confidence, and lets do it confidently!
There are 3 kinds of confidence.
1. Situational Confidence
This is the form that seems most common, and it is the basic meaning we started out with at the beginning of this article. The belief in yourself to do a particular thing. . You may be confident in your ability to play sports, understand math, attract women, stir frying frogs, or coloring your hair orange. You can be confident in these things without feeling confident in yourself as a whole. In other words, you could shine on the basketball court, then go home and cry cause you feel like an old banana peal, even though you just won the game for your team, taking the championship.
This is the kind of confidence I had. I was good at speaking, acting, teaching and more, but still felt like a loser with nothing to offer, while others cheered my latest acting skit, or song parity. What the hell is going on!
This form of confidence is based in how much you like yourself, and is referred by some as the cousin of confidence. Do you hold yourself in high esteem? Do you have self-love? Do you feel you are worthy of good things, good people and a good life? Yes, it is possible to have situational confidence, but not actually like yourself. Its possible to be popular with others, get laid every night, have basketball teams beg you to sign with them, and still not like yourself.
I know this one as well. I did have a level of popularity, I was attractive, I had talents, but none of that really sank in. I still focused on my shortcomings, and was not really even sure if I liked myself. I thought I did, but I had doubts. What a ride!
3. Core Confidence
This is the type of confidence that we think of when we think about being confident. Core confidence is deeper than situational confidence, and if you have core confidence, you also have a healthy portion of self-esteem.
This website is dedicated to helping you develop that core confidence. Core confidence is an intrinsic belief in yourself as a person. You have strong levels of self-love, personal awareness, a healthy self-image, and all the perks of strong, confident, head to toe manhood.
Now…here is something for you to be aware of. You can have core confidence without having situational confidence. When you have that deep solid belief in yourself, you understand your talents and deficits, and you believe in your capacity to learn new things. If you are not confident on stage, you know that you are able to learn, you push past self-doubts, anxieties and fears, and you learn what you need to in order to be where you want to be.
Notice how being core confident does not mean you do not have self-doubts every now and then. It just means that you know yourself well enough to move past it. You know yourself well enough to identify, then effectively deal with those inner blocks and doubts so they do not stop you in achieving your goals.
You might be nervous to talk to that pretty woman, but with core confidence, you either don’t feel nervous, or you know how to move past it and start chatting her up. You may be like the 75% of folks who have a fear of public speaking, but with core confidence, you get on stage anyway because you know that action is how you get past fear, and the benefit of achievement is stronger than the downward pull of anxiety.
When you have core confidence, it will help your sex life, relationships, work and other areas.
This is the type of confidence that I set out to achieve. To achieve this core confidence it can take time. It can take time to reprogram old messages, habits and energies. Don’t let that stop you! Lets look at the 2 step approach to build manly core confidence
How to build strong manly core self-confidence
Part 1. Master your inner gameThe way we see the world is the way the world will appear. Everything starts in your mind. Click To Tweet
- 1. Challenge your negative thoughts.
We have a Quintilian thoughts per day, and many of those thoughts can be self deprecating. You may have negative thoughts that tell you you are not good enough, that you will never get this job, no woman would ever want to be with you and so on.
Take each negative thought about yourself and ask, is that thought really true? When I was younger, I use to think that no chick would want to be with a skinny dude like me. Was that true? No it wasn’t. I saw other skinny dudes with women, and I was no virgin either, but due to my own insecurities about my body size, that became the negative assumption that my mind created, but it had no real truth to it.
First, I challenged the thoughts with real life events, then I got down to the real issue, a body insecurity. With this info I could do 1 of 2 things. I could see how incorrect my negative assumption was and get over it and get back to the dating hunt, or I could decide to hit the gym, and reach a size I personally like.
What is a false belief you have or had about yourself?