Confidence is the belief in the power, abilities or skills of a person. In this case, the person is yourself. How much self-confidence do you have? It is possible to be confident about some things and not others. For example, you can be confident about your ability to play football, but not about playing music. You can be confident about your knowledge of history, but not about fixing cars.
Confidence cannot be learned like a set of rules, rather, it is a state of mind. Often, confidence, and its cousin, self-esteem get mistaken for the same. Confidence is about rolls, tasks, and skills while self-esteem is about the way we feel about ourselves as a person. It is possible to have an overall low self-esteem but feel confident in certain areas.
During my days of low self-esteem, I was never the less confident in my ability to be a good internet broadcaster. I had confidence in my skills as a teacher, while bouncing around in depression. While I was sure of myself when it came to knowledge of pop chart history, my sense of self-worth was in the toilet.
Confidence does not mean perfection
Having confidence in a particular skill or ability does not mean you will never make a mistake. As with all things, mistakes will happen. When you are confident about something, you know what to do when things go oops, you use problem solving skills to tackle the issue, and you often are able to set things right side up again. Therefore, when working in your area of confidence, you usually have good decision making skills, and the occasional downturn does not take you off track.
The more you cruise past the mistakes, the more confident you can become. The more confident you are, the more you may enjoy the thing you are doing, and the more you enjoy it, the more people will enjoy watching you do it. It becomes a circular system that keeps you sharp and promotes success, and it also made me dizzy! People who have achieved big things usually have a high degree of confidence.
The sexiness of confidence
People are attracted to confidence. People love being around somebody who exudes self-assurance. It is a strong magnetic energy that pulls others in. When you show confidence, others want to emulate it, potential love partners come flocking, and friends and acquaintances admire it.
Think about the things that attract you to somebody. Why do you look up to some people and not others? Do you ever find that you are drawn to a person who may not be the most physically attractive, or who may not be the most saintly person on the planet? Men are drawn to confident men as they want to share in the energy. Women are attracted to confident men as it sends their love-o-meter spinning, and their juices flowing.
Lack there of
When you lack confidence, it can stop you in your tracks. Why would you want to do something if you do not feel that you would be good at it? The lack of confidence can be a driver in your low self-esteem, drive you further into depression, and stop any progress you may have made.
People can tell a lack of confidence just as easily as they can tell the presents of it. If you do not believe in your own abilities, why should other people? If you do not believe you can do the job, why should a potential employer? If you do not believe in your own attractiveness, why should potential partners? It would be a waste of time and energy on their part to invest in a person who can’t even be confident in themselves.
Building it up
After all this yap yap yap about confidence, the question is how do you get it? How do you build it? As said above, confidence is not something that you can learn like a rule book, it is a state of mind. This means you have to build it in over time. You have to live life, day by day, building in the things that make confidence what it is. In order to build confidence, you must start thinking confidence. Take a look at your life and assess it. Here are some ways to get started.
1. Take a look at your talents and qualities and write them down
Think about the things you excel in, the things you are good in. Focusing on the things you do well, will take your attention from your perceived flaws and bring them to the things that you can give yourself credit for. What are your good qualities in friendships, work, personality, and other areas? What have others complimented you on? What things have you done that has made you feel good, whether others knew about them or not? What kind of things are you working on?
2. Challenge the things that stand in the way3>
If you feel you are not good at math, ask yourself, is that true, or is that a perception. Who told you that you were not good? Is that really what you think, or is that a belief that was imported?
If you failed at something before, does that mean you are not good at it? Sometimes we allow past failures to project themselves into the future. Challenge that!
3. Stop comparing
Sometimes, we get carried away with comparing our level of confidence with how we perceive others level to be. Remember, everybody has areas that they lack confidence in. Confidence is not some singular thing that you achieve, it is a process, and everybody is somewhere in the process. Give yourself credit for what you achieve, and keep moving forward and tracking your achievements.
4. Sharpen your skills
If there is something you always wanted to be good at doing, now is the time to take it on. When you improve in a skill you like, confidence will follow. If you want to learn
a language, start learning! If you want to sharpen your speaking skills, hop to it! If you want to get better at basketball, start a bouncing!!
5. Except compliments
When we are not feeling confident about something, it can be hard to except compliments about it. When somebody offers a compliment, say thank you, and let it sink in. Sometimes we are better than we let ourselves believe. Give the other person credit for knowing what they are talking about, and give yourself credit for being the person that is receiving the good words. Do not dismiss them!
6. Drop the downers
Watch who you hang with, and drop those who do not believe in you. It is hard to stay confident when you hang around people who bring you down or give you their lack based energy. Hang around positive energy, and expect success!
7. Look like it
When you dress well, keep yourself together, and hold your head up, you will feel better and more confident. When you feel more confident, you will attract it. Walk like you have it, and soon….bang!
These steps will go a long way to helping you build the magnetic formula that is confidence.
Read the whole book!
You can get all 14 confidence tips, the worksheet questions and more by downloading the “Core Confidence Training Booklet”.